‪Exclusive: The Elaborate Hack that Will Prevent the CIA/NSA from Monitoring Your Communications‬

Look, we all know the NSA is interested in you. You’ve connected the dots, exposed the cover-up, and posted a thread so explosive that three people bookmarked it. One of them has to be your handler. You were all over that UN internment camp they’re setting up in Alabama and you've cataloged the plots of the global elites, despite the lamestream media’s best efforts to cover it all up. You’re obviously plugged into what’s really going on, and that makes you a threat. A big-time threat. They’re probably watching you 24/7, bro. You know it.

But what are you going to do about it?

You could head over to Wired and read up on DFU mode. You could go full Snowden and keep your phone in the fridge. Pure genius. Or you could follow NBC’s Brian Williams, who’s plugged into the underground enough to know that a serious target carries the same $500 burner phone everywhere. You just can’t put a price on security. Except, apparently, $500.

But let’s face it: the geeks at Wired, Edward Snowden, and Brian Williams aren’t nearly as interesting to the NSA as you are. You can’t afford to mess around with temporary hacks, burners, and kitchen appliances. You need a permanent solution. A guarantee that the NSA will never get all up in your business.

You need to go totally black ops.

Here’s your solution: don’t own a phone. Don’t tweet. In fact, don’t get on the internet at all.

Why? Because using other people’s networks will never be completely secure. Your communications bounce through so many servers, switches, and thingamajigs that, frankly, there’s almost no hope. If it’s not the NSA looking in, it’s a sysadmin, a DBA, some data-mining Ph.D., a random technician, or a hacker. Relative privacy might be good enough for ordinary people. But for someone in the crosshairs like you? Please.

You have to stop. No hacks. No burners. No encryption. None of that can protect a target of your stature.

You have to walk away from it all. Go cold turkey. This should be the last digital communication you read before taking a hammer to your phone, tablet, desktop, laptop, and smart TV. Smash it all, set it on fire, and bury it in the desert.

Now.

Thanks for reading. The internet will miss your insight and your lifelong commitment to speaking truth to power, also known as tweeting. But life goes on, even in the midst of struggle.

¡Viva la Revolución!